Category Archives: Thoughts

Hmmm

22 Very Important Questions

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I found this question posted on www.somethingcool.ca and wanted to share them. While reading through the questions several strange answers popped into my head – so of course I had to answer and post them all. If you have any really good answers send them of to the Editor at Something Cool News. Enjoy!

1. Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds” fee on money they already know you don’t have?

i) Because they can.
ii) Because such fees are pure bottom-line profit.

2. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

How else would they make a living??

3. What are Preparation A through Preparation G?

What Were – Real pains in the ass – having been bloody failures.

4. How come there aren’t B batteries?

There are. They are just repackaged and sold as the more expensive A batteries.

5. How do “Do not walk on the grass” signs get there?

The answer to that conundrum is contained in the question: “Which came first: the chicken or the egg”.

6. Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?

Because the “green olives” require sunlight for photosynthesis and thus require storage in jars to permit the penetration of sunlight to reach the green olives.

7. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

On their asses.

8. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

LUST.

9. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?

So it will continue to try harder.

10. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Do not be silly, of course it has nothing to do with the song. We simply order the alphabet according to the order the letters came out in when randomly drawn from a bag when the alphabet was first codified.

11. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Genetics. First you put up a deer crossing sign at the desired location. All the deer that cross there survive and prosper. Those crossing elsewhere are struck and killed. A few generations and you have deer that cross at the Deer Crossing Signs.

12. How do you throw away a garbage can?

One generally uses one’s dominant hand, though the weaker among us use both hands.

13. How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?

Elementary physics. Hot liquids cause the stresses upon the thermos surface to be those of expansion. Cold liquids cause the stresses upon the thermos surface to be those of contraction.

14. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

S/He doesn’t, snowplows start working at night. If they had to go in in the morning – Same as anyone with any sense in snow – Taxi.

15. Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

One if you set the diameter of the hole sufficiently large . Alternatively the number of holes depends entirely upon what value is set as the diameter of a hole, whether it is a fixed diameter for all the holes and if it is not fixed then what formula is used to determine the diameter of a hole vis-à-vis its neighbours.

16. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

As happened centuries ago with the X words (where the original spellings were such as Xcentric, Xcess, Xcitant) which had an E added before the X by error in the first printing of an English dictionary, these errors become the official “correct” spelling. Thus, by definition, no dictionary word is ever misspelled.

17. If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

A waste of power. Now what happens when you turn on the headlights in a vehicle exceeding the speed of light is fascinating, but that is not what the question posed was – pity.

18. Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Because Noah was a sadist.

19. Why do hot dogs come 10 to a package and hot dog buns only 8?

It is the result of a coordinated/co-operative marketing plan between the Meat Packers and the Bakers. You buy an extra package of buns for the two extra hotdogs. Then you need to buy more hotdogs to use up the leftover buns. And so on in a rising spiral of both bun and hotdog sales

20. Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?

Because there are no telescopes at ground level.

21. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman’s chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?

Slow reflexes.

22. What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it’s all about?

Have you not been paying attention to the world around you?? The Hokey Pokey IS what it is all about.

Consider, Municipal

Paranoia?

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Did you read the News story about using the helicopter in catching a stolen car? I did and really did not spare another thought to the matter, except the thought that a helicopter is useful for following and guiding ground units to avoid the need for high speed chases to catch criminals in vehicles.

Until I was standing near the Salvation Army watching the helicopter circle time after time, six, seven, eight times… just up there watching. Then a member of the homeless community told me about the ‘copter seeming to follow him as he walked from the Salvation Army to Wal-Mart. It just sat there hovering, as if waiting for him to come running out of the store after stealing something. After all, every police officer knows if you need to be dealing with the Salvation Army or are a member of the homeless community, you belong to a class of people who are doing (or will be doing) something illegal.

This got me thinking about the privacy questions and issues raised by not only the helicopter, but by the technology available to “law enforcement” in general. Think about it. How often is something like the ‘copter needed to accomplish a specific purpose or task? What is it doing the rest of the time? It spends the vast majority of its air time just sitting up there, providing a bird’s eye view to peep at everyone and anyone.

If you raised this point with the Abbotsford police department I am sure they will have fine words to reassure the public and spin this spying as not something the public needs “bother their non-police heads” about. Trust us. I admit that my view is coloured by my experiences with the police interactions with the homeless community. After all, it is far easier to spot an illegal tent in the woods from above that it is to notice actual property theft crimes. Which reflects why so much police time is wasted moving along the homeless, while the only reason to report stolen property is to obtain a police file number for insurance claim purposes. As if the police cannot waste enough resources harassing the homeless enough from the ground, they now can do it from the air.

You cannot UN-invent the ‘copter, besides which it has some very useful purposes. However, it also has a large potential for misuse and raises some very Orwellian questions concerning its “big brother is watching” abilities. We need to address these issues not by burying our heads in the sand but by thinking about and putting in place safeguards to protect the publics right to Privacy.

We need clear policies and guidelines designed to protect us from any unreasonable spying, protecting our right to, and expectations of, reasonable privacy. We also need some way to provide “encouragement” for obedience to these guidelines.

Based on my experiences of the way the police behave towards the homeless, the feedback I have gotten from members of the general public about their interactions with our local police force and the privacy protection issues technology is raising I think that it is time the general public had input into police behaviour and some influence on police priorities. This is why I believe that the citizens of Abbotsford must exert civilian control over our police department. The way to do this is with a civilian board overseeing the department and civilian review of police actions and complaints against the members of the Abbotsford Police Department.

PS it is back again this weekend and behaving in the annoying manner of one of thyose people who insist on looking over your shoulder constantly to read what you are reading or see what you are doing – it is just with the their great height there are many more shoulders for them to look over.

Hmmm

We stand on guard for Thee

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This is in response to Mark B. Toth’s diatribe against Jack McEwen.

There are certain agendas that are indeed harmful to children, and I’m certain most people in Abbotsford and across Canada would agree that the campaign of intolerance by the religious right is one of them. To call such people “narrow-minded” and “bigoted” may not convince others of similar dogmatic and closed minds, but it is accurate and such language is necessary to draw attention to their behaviour.

People who believe in God’s love and His cherishing us all, must express their views with the hope their comments will improve the lot of those groups of God’s children the religious right choose to persecute.

In this connection, we cannot allow God to be usurped by the religious right to further their campaign to assume God’s right to judge the actions of His people and to guide our individual spiritual journey’s. In the same way we demand the followers of Islam stand up and speak out against the actions terrorists commit in the name of Islam, we must stand up and speack out against the actions of these misguided people in their attempt to impose their beliefs and relegate our moral consciousness to some dark closet.

In speaking of totalitarianism Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr said “A totalitarian regime crushes all autonomous institutions in its drive to seize the human soul”. Thus it is we need to guard against the religious rights attempts to “seize the human soul” by crushing all those who do not argee with the views they seek to impose upon us all. In guarding our souls and spirituality from this attempt by those of the religious right to exercise absolute and centralized control over our personal relationship with God, one must confront their attempts to surpress opposing cultural, political and spiritual expression.

If Mark B. Toth finds the fact that those of us with deeply held spiritual beliefs are standing up to expose and stand against the unwholesome agendas of the religious right so upsetting, he should stop reading the letters to the editor.

Consider, Municipal

Granting credit to offset Need

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I was speaking with a Special Olympics swimmer at the pool and our conversation turned to the City’s recreation credit program for citizens on some form of income support or special needs.

This program is a very good idea but I do feel it needs a review since it has been the same for several years now. As was pointed out to me, this means a very limited (small) number of visits or requires that you go to special price swim sessions in order to stretch the credit into as many visits as possible. Unfortunately many who need this credit lack the ability (i.e. transportation) or flexibility of schedule to go only to these cheap swims. At between $4 and $5 the current credit is quickly exhausted.

As people who use the recreation centers know there is a picture swipe card system in use. Thus it is would be easy for the City’s credit program to be changed to grant a certain number of visits as opposed to granting a (low) $$$ credit amount. I believe that using this method would be a better method of ensuring those citizens in need of help reasonable access to the recreation facilities of Abbotsford.

The recreation centers also have a special lower price for those who drop in for just a shower. Since cleanliness is such a challenge for the homeless, and the picture swipe card system already exists, the city needs to examine putting in place a shower program for the homeless. The facilities exist, the picture swipe card system is in use and the Salvation Army and others interface with the homeless so that for next to $0 such a program could be instituted. Allowing for the City to successfully, in a certain sense, clean up the streets – or at least add a little cleanliness to the City’s citizens residing on the City’s streets.

As stated, I think the recreational credit program is a much needed and beneficial program. However I also think that a review would ensure it is meeting its original objectives and allow us to examine what changes would enhance the provision of service to those in need of a helping hand. Not to mention giving our Special Olympic swimmers more opportunities for needed practice.

Consider

Unfair Judgement Abounds

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I ran into a friend at the library this week. Conversations with him are interesting, but admittedly a little difficult due to his hearing impairment. I suppose most would say he is deaf. Between lip reading and hearing aids he can understand what you are saying and his speech is remarkably clear, all things considered. When speaking to him you have to choose your words with a little thought as you may need to repeat any he misses. You also want to avoid words such as anticholinergic. Paying attention when he is talking is a must along with not being embarrassed to ask for a repeat of anything you could not understand. People seem especially embarrassed to admit missing any words when speaking with someone severely hearing impaired. Because of the concentration required conversations tend to be a little slower, but quite interesting. What a concept – conversations where participants listen carefully and choose their words with some thought and care. As I said, it makes for out of the ordinary conversation.

We met as we were, and unfortunately continue to be, job searching with the need for access to the internet, He has a BA Physical Geography and is currently working on a BSc at UCFV while continuing his search for employment in biological research, a field where he gained experience when working in Montreal. Given the boom in bio-tech this would seem to be a good field to be seeking a job in. I had not run into him for a while as I was barred from the Job Zone for using the internet connection for non-job search uses. They felt that felt that maintaining a web site etc. were not networking to find employment and thus non-job usage, consequently I have had to make use of other more flexible but limited access.

Since we had not spoken recently the conversation turned to employment. He had applied had applied to a firm advertising for someone with his skills and experience and as an added bonus it was an Abbotsford firm, Neova Tech.. By the third interview he was speaking with the CEO and he felt things were going very well. Suddenly in the fourth meeting the company plans had changed and while my friend was disappointed, things happen.

Shortly thereafter the advertisement for the position reappeared in the newspapers with the company even sending a fax to UCFV seeking for someone to fill the position. Ironically the faculty as UCFV felt my friend was perfect for the job and brought it to his attention. As you might expect he was somewhat upset over this and contacted the company. The “explanation” this time is that they had some kind of vague “safety concerns” which they were not able to give an example of, making for a rather lame excuse.

Francis’s educational accomplishments demonstrate his ability to learn, communicate and perform at a high level. Yes it takes a little extra effort to communicate verbally, but it has been my experience that those who are in situations similar to those of my friend make excellent employees with a willingness to go that extra mile for those willing to make the small effort required for them to work effectively with you. In fact, one could argue that Francis’s hearing impairment gives him an ability to concentrate and not be distracted by conversation or noise around him and thus is in fact an advantage.

Understandably he and his wife are very upset about this prejudicial behaviour. So was I and making use of the verbal skills advantage that having normal hearing grants me (think about it) I chose to write about this unacceptable and damaging behaviour making the public aware of this deplorable corporate behaviour. I told him I would be writing and urged him to seek out any and all help he could to seek to redress the situation, with particular attention to those people and groups who protect the disabled from discrimination. Frances has worked hard to achieve the education and employment he wants and finds that discrimination and injustice is a bigger barrier than his hearing ever was. We are a community and whether the person is handicapped physically, mentally or through homelessness issues they deserve our consideration, help and fair treatment from all of us.