Confidence – a Casualty of War

Confidence n.

1. firm trust, belief or expectation.
2. belief in one’s own abilities.

So easily lost – So hard to find again. One forgets how much confidence underlies the ease with which we make decisions. When you find yourself on a roll and everything is going your way it is easy to decide because you firmly expect things to work out. But what happens when things have not been working out at all? Even if the fault or cause lies not with you, but in your stars. Bad timing, bad breaks or mental illness can all take choice away from you. When you find yourself freezing in panic when the phone rings, well it certainly was not something I chose to have happen. This is not a ‘wrong’ decision but your expectations shift and you begin to believe that anything that happens is going to be bad. And once you start down that road it quickly turns into a steep hill with you rocketing down into the mire of self-doubt. You question every decision, hesitate, firmly trusting that if it can go wrong it will go wrong – for you. Procrastination, flip-flopping, hesitation and avoidance all flow from this loss of belief. And it is far harder to get it back than to lose it since inability to decide carries with it its own set of problems and costs – further undermining ones self-belief.

The only way to get your confidence back is to have things start to work out. But before they can work out you have to DECIDE. You find yourself standing on the edge of a decision, but to you it seems you are standing on a precipice, with no bottom in site. Frozen. It is a long mental journey to get your confidence back and like the journey of 10,000 miles it too begins with the first step. And different decisions can seem to be the beginnings of whole new journey’s. The mental health part of my journey began with walking into Triangle Resources to begin to take their six week course. But to me the precipice was walking down the hall and putting my name on the (blank, clean white) list for one-on-one counseling. As I made choices about how I would work on my inner self and found myself getting healthier, I became confident in my choices about my mental health and so I have a firm belief in the correctness of the choices I make. If I feel the need to go to an al-anon meeting I trust that this is what I need to do and I go. But in some areas the experience has not been so positive. That is not to say that I am making ‘bad’ choices. Rather that the choices I have made have not caused positive re-enforcement that gives one a firm expectation that any choice you make will work out. For example: I have been casting my nets far and wide in my search for employment, without notable success. Now, I do not think I am making bad decisions or choices, but without a positive feedback of some kind doubt creeps in and you find yourself hesitating over things.

I have written about how ridiculous the attitude that a phone is not a necessity in getting a job, not to mention coordinating and running your life. I have felt that I really should have a phone, that it could have a positive and beneficial effect on my job search and life in general. But … without some positive feedback I found myself standing on that precipice again. Need it, how do I pay, positive credit effect of paying bill on time, what if I cannot pay, easy to contact me, no phone tag or missed opportunities, it’s a promise to pay – can I keep my promise? And around and around. Then on Saturday events developed, or is that worked out, so that in effect I was given a clear push in getting my act together and getting a phone. These days I tend to listen to these types of hints, I may not have complete confidence in my ability to decide, but I know when I must decide. Remember:
1. best decision is the right choice;
2. the next best decision is the wrong decision;
3. The worst decision is not to decide.

So when I get a big nudge telling me to decide, I decide. Although I had butterflies in my stomach the day before and a little negative voice questioned some of the decisions I made (phone, plan etc). I am relaxed with having made the decision, it is done, made and in the past and so cannot be changed. I have let it go. The thing to do now is to take full advantage of the communications available to me now that I have a phone, carpe diem (seize the day). By taking advantage of the opportunity the phone represents, the choice (to take the hint) to get the phone becomes positive re-enforcement in trusting that having made a decision it will work out. Making it easier to make and move from the multiple choices that we need to make in order to move forward with our lives as opposed to staying caught on the precipice.

But there are little things that could be done to start building up the confidence of the homeless in order to help them start to make decisions instead of freezing on the precipice. I have witnessed just how much of a positive effect the opportunity to clean up and get into clean clothes has on the homeless. It would not take much to set up a program (a test?) such that some of the homeless have access to showers, the chance to clean up, exercise good hygiene and clean clothes daily. They would start to feel better about their appearance, then themselves and to a certain extent would be wanting to continue to feel better about themselves. Once started down that road they would have to face themselves and some of their choices without an obscuring layer of dirt. Having a clearer view to see what is needed and what choices they have to make. Feeling better about yourself helps give you confidence in things working out in your favour, making the act of deciding easier. Granting the willingness to take a leap of belief in oneself. Getting off the streets involves choices. Mainly the choices of the homeless themselves. Some of the choices the other members of society make have an effect, both minor (daily bathing facilities) or major (offer of employment).

One needs to choose to change. Whether it is a nudge from the universe telling you to CHOOSE or a series of small choices/changes/opportunities that leads to a major life style CHOICE.

The question we need to address is what nudges or help can the community present that enable the homeless to begin to choose and gain confidence in what the results of their choosing are. So that they do not freeze on the precipice but are able to face and make decisions of major CHOICE. It may be as simple as giving them access to cleanliness.

Consider the following excerpts from the Rome Statutes establishing the International Criminal Court.

The jurisdiction of the Court shall be limited to the most serious crimes of concern to the international community as a whole. The Court has jurisdiction in accordance with this Statute with respect to the following crimes:

(a) The crime of genocide;

(b) Crimes against humanity;

Article 6: Genocide

For the purpose of this Statute, “genocide” means any of the following acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnical, racial or religious group, as such:

(b) Causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group;
(c) Deliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part;

Article 7: Crimes against humanity

For the purpose of this Statute, “crime against humanity” means any of the following acts when committed as part of a widespread or systematic attack directed against any civilian population;

(a) Deportation or forcible transfer of population;

(h) Persecution against any identifiable group or collectivity on political, racial, national, ethnic, cultural, religious, gender as defined in paragraph 3, or other grounds that are universally recognized as impermissible under international law, in connection with any act referred to in this paragraph or any crime within the jurisdiction of the Court;

(k) Other inhumane acts of a similar character intentionally causing great suffering, or serious injury to body or to mental or physical health.

Now consider: the actions of the City government against the group of people who constitute the homeless in light of their attempt to “cleanse” the homeless from the city. Actions taken in the name of Abbotsford and its residents.

The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them,
but to be indifferent to them: that’s the essence of inhumanity.
George Bernard Shaw

I am not saying there are not some good Christians in the city. I was speaking with some of them today (Sunday January 22,2006). They were not in a church with a group of their fellows proclaiming themselves christians and asserting their love of God. Rather, they were outside taking food to the hungry. This congregation rents space for their services, hoping one day to be able to afford their own place of worship. This day is further away than it could be because they have chosen to use resources to help feed the homeless and the hungry. Over the past year and more I have come into contact with many diverse Christians. Some I admit I have deep philosophical differences with, some I differ on basic beliefs with and some I share spiritual ground with. BUT the one thing all these diverse Christians have in common that I cannot argue with is that they live their faith. Not with loud words proclaiming their Christianity (OK some get a little loud and rambunctious) but through their actions. Christ chased the money-lenders from the temple and chastised those who only proclaimed their faith in church but failed to live their faith out in the world. I wonder what he would think of the majority of those who would claim to be christian but choose not to live their faith in their daily lives?

As stated, I am not saying there are not some good Christians in this city, just that the poor christians would appear to have them vastly outnumbered. What do I base this on? Observation and the fact that to me actions are far more revealing of what people are truly like than all their pious words.

We have in fact, two kinds of morality, side by side: one that we preach, but do not practice, and another that we practice, but seldom preach.

Bertrand Russell

We have too many high sounding words, and too few actions that correspond with them.

Abigail Adams

We citizens are the city and we must accept responsibility for the actions that the city undertakes. When the City begins to act in a manner that inflicts harm upon the less fortunate members of our society, it is up to us to require the City to act in a manner reflecting the citizens beliefs about acceptable behaviour. It is not acceptable to sit back and do nothing.

A person may cause evil to others not only by his actions but by his inaction, and in either case he is justly accountable to them for the injury.

John Stuart Mill

It is not enough to merely claim to be a just and compassionate society. We must match our actions to our words, or we will have become part of the problem. In turning our backs on those in need we let the darkness into our souls and our hearts. There is no need for the devil to act, throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph

The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.

Albert Einstein

Note: see associated article on street view – a interesting question