Earlier in the day [Thursday December 18, 2014] an inquiry had revealed that, do to a delay in processing paperwork, I would not have money to pay my January 2015’s rent because it is Christmas, that most depressing time of the year.
When I returned home I sat down and jotted down some options for bridging the period between my rent being due and the cheque to cover rent etc arriving early in the new year.
A little reading, a little struggling to finish writing an audit of the state of services and finances of the BC government and it was time for some sleep.
Since it was raining I struggled out of bed at 3:30 AM to check the porch for water [the drain on the porch ties into the weeping tile drainage which is blocked in some fashion which forces the water to spill out onto the porch and when it rises enough to flood my basement suite].
The porch was underwater and the water level was quickly rising so I turned on the pump ….. which failed to work. By the time I managed to get the pump pumping water my place had been flooded for the 5th or 6th time since mid November; this time to the point that my footsteps sent little wavelets rippling across the carpet.
Once the pump was working I fired up the shop vac and began to vacuum up the water. After coming back down the stairs after hauling the second canister full of water up the five feet to ground level and dumping it I found myself thinking “why bother, it is only going to get wet again so just get some footwear that will keep your feet and socks dry.”
I put the top back on the canister and leaving the vacuum outside got a glass of water to re-hydrate [ironic, eh] I sat at the desk and saw the list I had made of how to be able to pay next months rent.
And wondered why I would struggle to pay the rent on a place that is flooding and will continue to flood for the next 4 – 5 months, until the weeping tile is dug up and repaired or some way can be found to limit the water backing up to a small area around the drain.
Between Christmas and the fear/anxiety/stress/frustration/pain/sleep disruption caused by the flooding they have dragged my mind down through the darkness of deep depression into the black despair of my Suicide Zone.
The danger is not in being in the Suicide Zone, Christmas always has the potential for taking me there and I have good tools for dealing with being there. The danger is that the flooding has trapped me there and has the potential to keep me trapped there for months. Even if I did not end up dead dead, the probability of some form of mental health dead approaches certainty.
Scrapping up the cost of a small storage locker {I have electronics I won’t need living in my car] I will be able to store the most important [to me] books. The rest of my stuff can go to the dumb or whatever for all I care….. or perhaps I should have an open house were people can come by and help themselves to anything they could use.
Either way all really I need is the assortment of clothing, bedding and odds and ends required to live in my car.
Without the struggle to pay rent etc I will, even losing the $375 rent portion, be better off financially living in the car.
And the relief………