I found this question posted on www.somethingcool.ca and wanted to share them. While reading through the questions several strange answers popped into my head – so of course I had to answer and post them all. If you have any really good answers send them of to the Editor at Something Cool News. Enjoy!

1. Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds” fee on money they already know you don’t have?

i) Because they can.
ii) Because such fees are pure bottom-line profit.

2. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

How else would they make a living??

3. What are Preparation A through Preparation G?

What Were – Real pains in the ass – having been bloody failures.

4. How come there aren’t B batteries?

There are. They are just repackaged and sold as the more expensive A batteries.

5. How do “Do not walk on the grass” signs get there?

The answer to that conundrum is contained in the question: “Which came first: the chicken or the egg”.

6. Why do black olives come in cans and green olives come in jars?

Because the “green olives” require sunlight for photosynthesis and thus require storage in jars to permit the penetration of sunlight to reach the green olives.

7. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

On their asses.

8. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

LUST.

9. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?

So it will continue to try harder.

10. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Do not be silly, of course it has nothing to do with the song. We simply order the alphabet according to the order the letters came out in when randomly drawn from a bag when the alphabet was first codified.

11. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Genetics. First you put up a deer crossing sign at the desired location. All the deer that cross there survive and prosper. Those crossing elsewhere are struck and killed. A few generations and you have deer that cross at the Deer Crossing Signs.

12. How do you throw away a garbage can?

One generally uses one’s dominant hand, though the weaker among us use both hands.

13. How does a thermos know if the drink should be hot or cold?

Elementary physics. Hot liquids cause the stresses upon the thermos surface to be those of expansion. Cold liquids cause the stresses upon the thermos surface to be those of contraction.

14. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

S/He doesn’t, snowplows start working at night. If they had to go in in the morning – Same as anyone with any sense in snow – Taxi.

15. Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

One if you set the diameter of the hole sufficiently large . Alternatively the number of holes depends entirely upon what value is set as the diameter of a hole, whether it is a fixed diameter for all the holes and if it is not fixed then what formula is used to determine the diameter of a hole vis-à-vis its neighbours.

16. If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

As happened centuries ago with the X words (where the original spellings were such as Xcentric, Xcess, Xcitant) which had an E added before the X by error in the first printing of an English dictionary, these errors become the official “correct” spelling. Thus, by definition, no dictionary word is ever misspelled.

17. If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

A waste of power. Now what happens when you turn on the headlights in a vehicle exceeding the speed of light is fascinating, but that is not what the question posed was – pity.

18. Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Because Noah was a sadist.

19. Why do hot dogs come 10 to a package and hot dog buns only 8?

It is the result of a coordinated/co-operative marketing plan between the Meat Packers and the Bakers. You buy an extra package of buns for the two extra hotdogs. Then you need to buy more hotdogs to use up the leftover buns. And so on in a rising spiral of both bun and hotdog sales

20. Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up?

Because there are no telescopes at ground level.

21. Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman’s chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?

Slow reflexes.

22. What if the Hokey Pokey IS what it’s all about?

Have you not been paying attention to the world around you?? The Hokey Pokey IS what it is all about.